Everyday we meet people and interact with them, we don’t realize that we are having interpersonal communication with these them- our friends, parents, teachers etc. How does an interpersonal relationship come about? According to DeFleur et al (2005), there’re 3 processes: Engagement, Management, and Disengagement.
Most people don’t realize that we subconsciously use a set of criteria to form relationships. Physical appearance, for one, is a big factor. Similarity to ourselves is also important when we form relationships. Though on the other hand, we sometimes form relationships because of dissimilarities. We have an inclination to form relationships with people who’re different from us.
Below is a clip from Monsters Inc. when Boo and Sully first makes contact. In the Monster world, children are thought to be contaminated and fatal.
In this short clip, you see the start of a friendship between Sully(the monster) and Boo(the little girl). As a Monster and a human child, they definitely have differences in physical appearance. Also, because of their vast incompatibilities, it seems almost impossible that they will become friends. Sully rejects Boo because she is human and different. Boo, on the other hand, wants to befriend Sully because he is novel to her. Boo especially likes him because he is unlike others (human beings she interacts with on a daily basis). She wants to form a relationship with him because of their dissimilarities. This is the engagement stage where there is first contact. Also, one would notice that there is mainly non-verbal communication between the two as Boo is too young to communicate verbally. Since this movie is intended for children to watch, this is a useful technique for easy understanding.
Another stage would be the disengagement stage where the relationship is dissolved. The clip below, however, goes against that. This is a clip from Love Actually where Jamie goes to Portugal to propose to Aurelia. Before this, Jamie could not speak Portuguese and Aurelia couldn’t speak English, and they had many conflicts maintaining their relationship.
Instead of dissolving their relationship, the two forms a new one instead- one as husband and wife. Hence, the Knapp Model of Relational Development is more apt in this case. Jamie and Aurelia started with Stage 1, where there was initiation and proceeded to Stage 2, where there is experimenting. In Stage 2, they made small talk and Jamie disclosed personal information about himself- the contents of the book he is writing. However, they skipped Stage 3,4,5 as they had problems maintaining their relationship. They went straight to Stage 9 and 10, whereby Jamie returns to England and never meets Aurelia again. The story then takes a twist (which is the scene shown in the clip), where Jamie’s relationship with Aurelia jumps back to Stage 5, where they bond through marriage. This is a perfect example of a non-linear form of relational development.
Through these examples, we can observe the many details in interpersonal relationships and the formation and maintenance of them.
The silence of sound-importance of non-verbal communication in relationships
Rakhi is a confident young woman. She is fairly good looking. Has a great sense of humor. But, when on her own despite her achievements she feels uncomfortable in her own skin. She has had many unsuccessful relationships. She has read dozens of self-he…
Trackback by Anonymous — February 27, 2008 @ 10:24 am
Who initiated? What language did he use in that book? Haha. I didn’t watch, but it sounds pretty touching.
Comment by YanYi — March 9, 2008 @ 12:14 pm